She’s a WITCH!

I’ve seen some comedy program on BBC recently (well, recently – more like two weeks ago, been planning to write about it sooner but I’m a really slow writer). I don’t really know what it was – I’ve seen only a small fragment during breakfast. One of the sketches made me laugh like a drain and I couldn’t stop laughing for the rest of the day. The skit takes place in a small local shop. Only one till, with bored and  cheesed off saleswoman. Quite a long queue of people with baskets is waiting. The first person in a queue is a man dressed in medieval clothes (no one seems to be noticing anything strange). Cashier bills his shopping (just perfectly normal everyday shopping). Man takes out his wallet and gives her a coupon.

- I’ve got a coupon for the fabric softener.

- We don’t take those.

- Oh, but it says on the coupon.

- We don’t take those.

- But it…

Saleswoman gives him a exasperated look. Poor guy is obviously intimidated, he looks helplessly at other people in the shop, no one seems to be interested. Suddenly he raises his hand, points at the woman and shouts:

- She’s a WITCH!

Immediately angry medieval peasants with forks and torches show up in the shop and take the woman outside, chanting: “She’s a witch, burn the witch!” Man looks at the other customers in the queue and explains:

- I had a coupon.

THE END.

That really made my day. Possibly because it’s so real. Sometimes you’re so helpless that shouting “You’re a witch!” at the unhelpful helpdesk employee or rude bank manager seems to be only option left. Don’t you wish sometimes to be that man. To point and shout “She’s a witch!”?

Because I do.

I do all the time.

I’m not a Jedi

I’ve got an email from Play.com yesterday, apparently they think that I may be interested in purchasing life-sized statue of a Star Wars Storm Trooper. I must admit it’s a bargain, it’s only £999.99 (RRP £1999.99) – so I could have saved a £1000 on this purchase. But somehow I can’t  really find a use for it. Can you?

Suppose, they have to have some use otherwise people wouldn’t sell them (and I don’t think that cloning process is cheap or easy). Maybe some people like to dress-up, attach two buns to their heads and wait until passing by storm trooper saves them.

- Aren’t you a little bit short for a storm trooper?

- Hm? Oh, the uniform. I’m Luke Skywalker, I’m here to rescue you.

(Hot kissing scene)…

Apparently it’ not that rare as I would have though. Quick search using Google has proven that.

But, who am I to criticise them. I sometimes hide in the cupboard under the stairs waiting for a letter from Hogwarts. Duh.

Random drunk post

Sometimes (read, every time i go to the Student’s Union) I wonder why is SU still standing. I mean really, with the amount of cheese they put on, they should be already ate by mice. Especially, remembering that SU is presently just an overgrown tent. And, I suppose Wednesdays are always a special case anyway. Score! – here you can get drunk with the cheapest purple ever and then “enjoy” the crappiest music you’ve ever heard. Every time I go, I promise myself it’s the last time – and then I go again anyway (read, PhD’s life is so sad you have to use every occasion you have to get drunk).

So - what is the “Score!”? – you may ask. Well, every Wednesday  in the Student Union (read, Temporary Entertainment Structure aka. TES aka. Big Tent on a Field) all the sports clubs have an occasion to bond, get drunk and throw up in a spirit of competition (which club will pass out first). The Circles start at 6pm with an happy hour until 7-7.30pm (Purple just £1, but only max. 3 pints per person). So until 8pm everybody is already reasonably intoxicated and lots of people is already far beyond being reasonable. Music doesn’t start until 9pm, which is a good thing, ‘cause at this time you don’t really care anymore. But if you came to the Score! for the music and you’re a fan of Dr. Alban, Las Ketchup, Aqua and Britney Spears that’s the time for you. I’m really not picky when it comes to club music, especially if I’m drunk, but please, have mercy! But… that’s still not the end. If you have survived the happy hour and then two hour of cheesy music, at 11pm SU have another treat for you. Live band! Wow! Today it was S Club 3 (what?! – S Club 3? – I mean, there was S Club 7 in the 90’s, but S Club 3?). Well, if you haven’t heard, after having few No. 1 (whatever) hits in 1999 band has broken apart one by one (I suppose it was S Club 6 for a while, then S Club 5, etc.) Well, after 10 years (gosh, I still can’t believe it’s 2009) it’s only S Club 3 left, meaning that last three members (losers) of the band just couldn’t find anything better to do than to sing to a band of drunk jocks (and cheerleaders) at random student clubs.

What happened next I can’t tell you – because after two songs I couldn’t stand it any longer and I left. Obviously I haven’t drunk enough today (fact I’m writing this and my spelling is actually not that bad, confirms this).

What I can tell you for sure; I’m definitely not going to the next score!

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cause I have a surgery on Thurs :D

Little Asia – Rotavap incident

On popular demand, continuation of my “Little Asia” series (all the publishers wishing to acquire rights for screening purposes are welcome to contact me).

Few weeks ago our department was suffering from dry ice shortage. For three days we were forced to use normal ice and tap water for cooling. That includes rotary evaporators, usually filled with dry ice/acetone.

For those unaware – rotary evaporators are used for removing excess of solvent (water or more likely organic solvents). Most of the rotavaps are cooled using water, but water cooling isn’t really enough to condense low boiling solvents, like DCM or diethyl ether under reduced pressure. That’s why in our lab we’re using cold traps (see picture) filled with cooling mixure. Usually it’s acetone/dry ice, which has a constant temperature of -78°C, or water/ice mixture (0°C).

So for three days cold traps were filled with water/ice. It’s quite obvious that before filling them with with dry ice you have to empty them first, or at least it’s obvious to everyone who has even a little reason.

On the glorious day when our department was finally supplied with dry ice I’ve spotted L. happily filling the cold trap. Perturbed with a vague premonition of danger I’ve asked him what he’s doing.

- Have you emptied the water first?

- What?

- There was water in the trap, have you emptied it first?

- I didn’t know water there.

- There was no dry ice for three day – so we were using water/ice. And there is a post-it note on it saying “water/ice”

- Oh.

- You have to empty it otherwise freezing water will crack the condenser.

- Yes, yes. (Standing there and staring at me with a blank expression on his face)

- You have to do it NOW!

- Yes, yes (Still standing there)

- So why aren’t you doing it? (Lost my nerves – took out the freezing cold trap and  showed it to his hands) You have to do it now and don’t put the dry ice from it in the sink or it will crack the pipes.

Another blank expression – so I took a large beaker from the cupboard and put it in front of him. He turned the trap upside down – but the water already froze. I just told him that he had to get it out and I didn’t really care how and I left. Suppose he managed to get it all out cause the trap survived. Which is pity in a way, because we’d have one more excuse to get rid of him. Really, he’s supposed to be a PhD student, I always assumed that you have to be at least a little bit smart to do that. Obviously I was wrong…

Best wishes

Hope all the readers (all 3 of you) had a great Christmas and a wonderful New Year’s party.

Still in the Christmas mood – My research group in The Ultimate Disco Performance